Tag: Flutter

Plight

As his arms softened around her belly button, Maria had a deep urge to disappear. She was a prostitute; her breasts were hardened by constant violence it endured from its clients, her pubis was infected, her lips grimaced in pain every time she asked it to kiss someone. And yet, this man was tender towards her. ‘She didn’t deserve it’ she thought.

“Maria, what is it that you think about?” he asked.

“I’m thoughtless.” she lied.

“Your face looks like Lake Kinneret in moonlit nights – blank.. white..” he said.

Maria smiled. She loved this man. He had slept under the moon and traveled to Eastern lands. He was a traveler, a dreamer – she found it to be a sensual combination. But she couldn’t beg him to stay, could she?

His hands pulled at her skirt allowing her rotting vulva feel the coldness of his winter lips – his long beard stroked her thighs, his hair flowed peacefully along the slopes of her stomach. Maria was afraid, she felt she could no longer tame the wild beatings of her shallow heart. She wanted him, she couldn’t live without, he was her messiah.

She gathered courage and asked, “Will you go away again?”

“To India?”

“To anywhere?” she frowned.

“I do not know Maria. I do not know what tomorrows might bring. I have learnt to live in todays for now” he smiled.

“You look peaceful” she mused. “I don’t like it. Are you becoming a nihilist?”

“A Buddhist!” he replied.

“What is that?” she was visibly in distaste.

“Someone who believes that we create the world through our thoughts, that we make our meanings out of nothing.”

“Equally Nihilistic!” she grimaced.

“No. More beautiful. More lively.” he smiled.

‘Beautiful Nihilism!’ she thought. He settled himself under her hairy armpit where her sweat seemed to him like dew drops on cold grass. She knew he would fall asleep soon. All his life he searched for something to keep him alive and now he has found a reason so worth living that he may die for it, she thought. She couldn’t understand such commitment to an idea, she herself had barely started committing to a person.

“Are you sleepy?” she asked.

“I must say so.”

“When will you come here again?”

“When blood cease to flow along the streets, when people respect each other, when there are no Gods and no Kings, I will come to you!” he replied.

“And if it is your blood that flows, what will I be left with?”

“My blood and an idea!” he said sleepily.

Maria watched him fall asleep, she didn’t blink, she could feel breeze from the highest mountains of Greece slamming at her door and windows. She watched him all night, how deep he sleeps and the way his lips curl into smiles every now and then. He was a dreamer.

***
Maria, as she walked by Kinneret, had only him in her mind. She could still smell his blood in her napkin, her hands were pressing on it as if it were his genitals – softly, cautiously. Contrary to what he imagined, the blood only flowed more and many regarded him as God himself. How indecorously the world handled our dreams, she thought.
A gentle wind was blowing and it brought silent waves in the lake. Maria sat motionless. She did look like Kinneret, she thought.

Ameena

This is the first of a series of stories (hopefully) which I like to call ‘Flutter’. I believe you can gauge the intent of these stories once you read them.

Love,
Anand.
***


Ameena would lie down in her balcony on days like these, wondering where she came from and what her purpose was in life. Aluva river, in front of her, peacefully flowing onto the Arabian Sea would reflect starry skies above. She felt intimately related to the celestial peace which descended around her; moon in the distance, lights from the airport, and the ever benevolent silence. She could imagine the farthest extents of Universe right here in this negligible point in a negligible Earth, for that she was thankful.

The chicken curry her husband threw on her face still burned her eyes and nose, it was spicy alright. He used a word to describe it specifically and her existence generally, she couldn’t help but think about it. How would he know what that word means to her, how would he know what that word means to humanity. This was not the first time he reproached her using words she considered pure, but then she was aware of how present parlance brands her puritan words as derogatory.
Ameena.. She loved her name, but then twenty seven years of married life made her forget the tunes of those syllables – jumping up, sliding free and hitting a sudden stop! Ameena.. Her eyes watered when she tried to remember how her Umma would call her ‘Ameenakutti’, it was so long back that it seemed non-existent now.
She grew tired after a while and tiptoed her way back to bed. The air conditioner in the room made a cranky noise as it threw cold artificial air into the room. She remembered how disturbed she used to be when her Vaapa would buy her leather bags and costly deodorants, she would smile and accept it all the same, she barely knew another way to behave.
Once in bed Ameena twisted and turned for a long time; she tried burying her face in her pillow, she tried pushing her head towards her breasts, she tried singing herself lullabies. There was an eruption of something uncontainable inside, she had to find vents to release it. How pitiably he used that word, she thought.
“Khaled..” she called. “Khaled..”
Khaled usually detests when his sleep is disturbed, but then Ameena never did a thing like this before, he was as perturbed as he was angry.
“What is it?” he shouted.
She got up and switched on the light, looking him sternly in the face, her eyes held fires that devoured any words he had to offer. He sat transfixed.
Ameena wanted to be precise on this, she didn’t want to hold anything back or shout anything new. She wanted it to be clear and certain, while making sure it portrays the uproar inside. She knew she shouldn’t make it too stern so that she burns herself out completely or too soft that she may seem magnanimous. She gathered words in her mind and slowly brought it out of her mouth.
“You and I were born out of a vagina too, my love..” she said and gently walked back to the balcony.